There
was a time, not too long ago, in which I could go to bed at 3 or 4 AM and
be up at 7 or 8 AM and ready for another round of 16 hour day. OF course,
not all days, all year; but, such schedule was not unusual and with a
couple of days of rest I was ready for more heavy duty time. I was
committed 100% to the tasks I was involved in. I usually worked 7 days a
week, bypassed holidays, forgo entertainment. Heck! what I was doing was
fun! Monday was as good a day as the rest. I almost didn't noticed the
Fridays.
Now that
seems like a very long time ago.
When I
started to fight the sheets to get out of bed I thought I had a sleeping
problem. I tried hard to go to bed earlier so I could get more sleep and
be ready early in the morning. I tried moving the alarm time a little bit
further into the day. Finally, when I found myself doing inner pep talk in
desperate attempts to motivate me out of bed, I started to realize, that
it wasn't lack of sleep. Slowly but steadily I began to recognize the true
nature of the problem. It was something more fundamental: I had nothing
forward to look at! At least not anything worthwhile. Instead of thriving,
I was merely surviving. I heard a voice inside me: "Your Dream is
Dead!"
The Beginnings
It was the
year 1987. After graduating from college in 1986 I went to the "real
world" looking for a job, like everybody else. I graduated a B.S. in
Architecture. At the time there were no such thing as jobs in the
industry, therefore I associated with another colleague I meet at the
college and went looking for projects. We couldn't get anything big, just
a few small contracts that at the best, kept us from going under. A friend
of mine suggested that I apply for a scholarship at the regional branch of
IBM with the goal to learn to operate the main-frames and systems that
they were selling to corporate clients. The scholarship was a six-month of
training which included a small pay (they were going to pay me). The
incentive was that the last part of the training is done at the offices of
IBM's clients, and usually, these clients end hiring the best trainees.
That's were the real bucks were. However, I was reluctant at first because
I knew that the orientation of those jobs was accounting at worst
(something I hated at the time) or financial software programming at best
(I liked the programming part but not the financial field). However, the
reality of the bills that demanded attention, forced me to go. And I had
to fight hard to get in, because there were lots of applicants and only a
handful of open positions. The first screen was an aptitude test. Only the
top 10 would qualify for a series of interviews, and only 3 people would
be selected. I was called for my first interview. I was explained the
program, the schedule, the pay and what they expected from me. Later on
that day I was called for a second time. I was briefed by the top
executive. He told me that my application brought his immediate attention
because of my Architectural background. He let me know that I scored at
the very top of my group and that the scholarship was mine. Then he added
that because of my combination of computer knowledge and Architecture I
could be interested in a position a new company he was launching with a
partner. He was very open with me: I could immediately go with him to see
what he was talking about and check if it was something I could like
better. If not, the scholarship position was mine. I went to see what I
later knew was the introduction of Computer Aided Design (CAD) in
Honduras. Although the offered pay was lower that the scholarship, let
alone, any job's salary I could get with IBM's clients, I was hooked, and
thereby started my career in the field of CAD consultancy. The software I
saw was AutoCAD version 2.52 (in the current numbering format it would be
R7) with an add-in package called AEC, which we never used for real
projects because the add-in supported only imperial units and we use
metric units in Honduras. However, looking at the nice productivity
enhancements that the add-in brought to plain AutoCAD, I developed a
strong interest in AutoLISP (AutoCAD's programming language). Over the 3
years that I was an employee I came very close to develop a metric version
of the original AEC software. Also, during that period I learned about 3D
modeling and animation (something that caught my attention very much).
The Development
When I
became an independent consultant I had nothing to start with. No savings,
no equipment, no software. Not even projects. Only a promise by a friend
to help me get something... It was a very interesting story of struggling
to build my practice. During the early years I didn't have enough revenue
to cover my necessary investments, and pay for my living expenses; which,
by the way, were extremely low because I was living with my parents. Since
I started with inadequate hardware, every new contract which were bigger
than what I was doing, required even bigger investment in equipment. And
when I started to explore the field of 3D modeling those demands increased
exponentially! But I was building momentum and 5 years after my humble
beginnings I was doing contracts with an international client. During that
time I re-established my goals from being a CAD consultant to become a top
3D modeler and animator. Since that field was almost non-existing in
Honduras I invested countless hours in developing a showcase of my
proposed services. I wasn't discouraged by the initial lack of interest,
since at the time nobody was doing it. It was just a matter of time. Then,
a new development came to my life. During my early consultancy years I
came to know someone in California who is the principal of a small
engineering firm. I visited CA a few times during that period and came to
like the life there. Now he was interested in having some 3D
"things" for a web site and asked me if could be interested in
move to CA.
The Last Burst
and Death
Sensing an opportunity to continue the expansion I agreed. The
only drawback was that I have to go back into employment, mostly because
of the laws. At the time it didn't seem to be a big issue. However, the
control over my future direction was surrendered to a great degree.
The first
year went by in a breeze. I was so happy developing what was supposed to
be the starting point of my new career in 3D Modeling and Animation. I had
at my disposal equipment that just a few months ago I could not dream to
have. The final product surpassed my previous showcase but only to a
certain degree. Unfortunate developments halted the advancement and I went
back into CAD work, but now being dependant upon others to advance, both,
professionally and financially. At that point, it didn't become clear to
me the profound implications of such developments. An inner voice keep
telling me that such situation was only temporary... My Dream died a slow
death. So slow that I was unable to recognize the signals of its demise
until I found myself carrying a hefty load. It is the weight of my dead
Dream. Now, the future that once looked so bright is as dark as a cave.
For the time being I have to wake up every morning to walk in a treadmill
that I know is not leading me anywhere. Again, forced by the harsh reality
of bills due.
The King is
Dead, Long Live to The (new) King
A complete
autopsy of my former Dream has been deferred, and possibly will never be
done. It is better to focus on positive things. However I am sure that a
thoroughly examination would put me at the center of many issues. While it
is true that there are always external factors over which we have no
control, we always have control over our reaction to those events. It is
something I have to remain myself over and over again, now that a new
Dream is taking shape. The conditions are quite similar to the ones I had
when I started my CAD consultancy. I overcame those obstacles then,
therefore I am capable to do it again now. It is an irony that the
subject I hated the most, back in 1987, has become the center of my new
Dream. For details on it see my Back
in Business! announcement.
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